"Why mention cuteness at all," the feminists cry. "Why not just say "barista?" Well, feminists, I am a creep, and like I said, I'm trying to establish a few things here.
You see, I had my headphones in when you took my order, the grande soy chai-tea latte. And then you asked me for my name while I was trying to pay with my Android phone app. That app's pretty cool though, isn't it? My wife can go online and, in a glance, see how much money I'm wasting on coffee drinks. She can also see that I ordered soy and not regular milk because she thinks I need to be more healthy. I'm a creep, not an idiot.
You asked me for my name and I thought you said something else and I added, maybe, three seconds to the line before I pulled one bud from my ear. You were very nice about it. Didn't even make a face. Kept things semi-cute the whole time.
But what I want to explain to you is, it was a really good song I was listening too. It was totally calming me down from a harrowing bus ride. Wanna know why it was harrowing? It was a bus ride. I was in the zone with that song, which is why I even managed to get my Android app out and ready in the first place.
Normally you baristas have to tell me how much I owe you and then I fumble for my wallet and then remember my phone and then fumble for that and search for the app and then fumble for the right button to push [insert joke about some famously bad football team here].
So in reality, that song saved us, like a minute. Still, I want to apologize, or more to the point, thank you for letting me have my music and my grande soy chai tea latte too.
Tomorrow my wife's giving me a ride to work, so no bus, no harrowing, and I promise, no music. Unless my wife decides we need to talk about my coffee drink spending. Then I may need you to learn sign language.
